The short answer is that my symptoms for the 3 years prior to getting sober aligned with the DSM-5’s Severe Alcohol Use Disorder. I hid & lied about how inspirational stories of sobriety much I was drinking and I manipulated those around me into believing I didn’t have a problem. My relationship with alcohol was entirely unmanageable.
In sobriety I’ve been around all this stuff and I think that’s one of the things people cast a stigma on. I never really felt like I had a choice in social situations or the people I was around. I couldn’t really sort through who I actually wanted to be around because I felt like I was just along for the ride and I wasn’t really in charge. When you’re an alcoholic and you’re not sober, you feel trapped.
I recognized that alcohol had kept me “safe” from dealing with my personal issues. With no skills on how to cope with resentments or shame, I seethed. Eventually, I drank for fear of feeling these deeply rooted heartbreaks.
Almost everyone I knew drank to excess, especially during celebrations. Shortly after the hacking incident, I was invited to dinner with my friend https://ecosoberhouse.com/ Annette and her college roommates. We had become friends right before the pandemic and got through a lot of it together taking walks.
When we were first dating she would have to be back home by the time the street lights came on. We carried on this long-distance relationship for over five years before we were married during the summer before my third year of medical school. While we were dating, I kept the quantity of my alcohol and most of my substance use a secret from her.
Addiction does not have to be the end of the road — it can actually be a life-changing beginning. I am now a very grateful recovering alcoholic. My life is full of surprises all the time. I am grateful to have a program I can use to help me grow through life’s challenges. I no longer regret being an alcoholic since it is through my alcoholism that I have been able to grow and integrate a wonderful set of principles into my life. Initially, I had lots of fear about returning to work.
My boyfriend supported us for a while then I got a job in retail and we moved into our own 1 bedroom apartment. Prior to getting sober, I was kind of just lost. I didn’t really know what my purpose was. I knew I wanted to do things and I would start to do things, but there was never any follow-through. Because I would start something, get taken over by the disease, and then abandon it.
The first 30 days of sobriety are often the most difficult, and many substance abusers will have a tough mental battle to win. Some of the most common psychological withdrawal symptoms that can be expected include: Intense cravings.
However, I had few friends, and none of the friends I had drank as I did. I began to drink at home, frequently wondering the next morning how there could be so many empty beer cans on the counter. During residency, we had the first of four children.
I was one of those people who if someone put something in front of me, I would take it. Because of this, after two years of college it didn’t work out, and I came home – and my addiction came back with me. A few months before quitting, I had, as they say, pulled a geographic. I left a moldy place in Seattle for a not-yet-moldy place north of the city. I could start fresh in an apartment where I’d never vomited, miles from the bars.
I was told that he’d graduated from a very prestigious prep school in New England and gone through a year at Yale before becoming a priest. I felt that this man had the intelligence to understand me. After listening for an hour to the story of my drinking, he took from his desk drawer a pamphlet from Johns Hopkins University called The Twenty Questions. Then he said to me, It says here that if you answered yes to three of these, you’re an alcoholic. When I was a teenager and my drinking was taking off on the weekends—blackouts where friends had to recount my evening to me the following day—I knew a lot of alcoholics.
I was flattered that she thought of me as the representative friend in her life and on the evening of the dinner I was feeling very tender towards her. When I arrived at the restaurant, Annette asked if I wanted a beer and handed me the list. I took it, looking at her to see if she was joking, but she was already in the middle of talking about something else. If you would have asked me last year, “Do you ever worry about your drinking?
In college, I joined Greek life and surrounded myself with a group of people who drank pretty similarly to me (some of which are still close friends). Looking back, I know I subconsciously found people who didn’t make me question my drinking habits. That’s the thing about heavy drinkers – They surround themselves with other heavy drinkers so as to avoid looking in the mirror. Nothing makes a problematic drinker more uncomfortable than a sober person.
I say no so much I think my family is surprised when I say yes to anything. I feel like I bring value instead of being a burden. I feel lighter and heavier at the same time if that makes sense. These days, my most difficult parts have more to do with what some people refer to as emotional sobriety.